friendship confessions

this week over at the shine project, ashley has been talking about life changing relationships. so i'm here to tell you about miiiiiiiine. while you read, let your ears enjoy this deliciousness by bon iver.

i've kind of said this before, but i'm not one of those people who have had the pleasure of meeting their best friends in diapers, and staying close ever since. my friends have changed whenever i've moved. and for some reason they can't withstand the time and distance that separates us. we both change and grow and mature, and turn into different people. we don't do this together, we do this and go our own ways. 

when i was born and lived in california, brooke hartman was my best friend. but when i was 3 we moved. and i haven't seen much of her since. when i was in preschool i met hannah eggleston. she wouldn't share her toy with me so what did i do? i bit her. both of our parents got called down to the school and we were best friends since. our families would carve pumpkins together, go to worlds of fun together, and we never bit each other ever again.

(i'm on the left, she's in the middle)

i went to three different elementary schools. again, my friends changed with each move. in kindergarten and 1st grade i played with michelle dunlap, jessica bindi and jeffrey sooter. in 2nd grade sydney hague was my bff. in 3rd grade i switched schools again and this time i was really close with ali rios, madison chinn, and nici ashner. but, we didn't go to the same middle school, as my family moved again. i still talked to ali some because we were cool preteens and got cell phones. i'm pretty sure we even had a sleepover once or twice. but i was busy, and so was she, so that friendship slowly dissipated as well.

in the awkwardness of middle school i got close to jennifer baldwin, laila al-khashti, lauren cox, and kinsey belgeri. but again, four years later, my family moved to louisburg. this time it was a little bit easier to stay in contact. we had texting, facebook, and i only lived half an hour away from them. junior year i had a falling out with jen, and because girls are girls, i was no longer friends with the rest of them. but mollie schaefer was there to pick up the pieces and so began our best friendship.

the summer after our junior year of high school, we were inseparable. for the most part, the four of us (mollie, me, and our sisters) spent every day and night together. we had the most wonderful time doing... nothing. she was the best friend i'd ever had. she stood up for me, she gave as much as she took, and she loved me for who i was. i don't think i'd ever had a better friend before mollie. 

senior year came and we both started to change. we got busy getting ready to graduate and go to college. we started hanging out with different people. we went to prom together! but things just weren't like they were that summer. we talk less, and see each other very infrequently. we were best friends, but even that friendship isn't still intact.

the friendship that changed my life, would probably be my friendship with brent arnold. i met him in spanish 2 my first semester at louisburg high school. i honestly remember thinking, "he's so attractive, he's probably way too good for me" ...is that not ridiculous? we had a couple classes together and started hanging out with the same group of people. we became best friends. i would bring him his homework when he missed school, and take care of him when he was sick. i would spend my weekends with him playing halo or watching him skate. i would even leave musical practice early and sneak over to his house just to spend a few minutes with him during the week. 

he always had a girlfriend. people thought that girlfriend was me, but only because he spent more time with me than he did with his actual girlfriends. as you can imagine, this created some problems. mostly for me. i was on the receiving end of a lot of hatefulness and cruelty. junior year was rough because of that. but then brent and i dated. it's what everyone expected would happen. and i'm glad it did. not much changed between us, he was already my best friend and the only person i spent all day thinking about. he was my very first kiss and my first real boyfriend (i don't count brian ivanuska who asked me out in 5th grade at the beginning of recess and then broke up with me when it was time to go back inside).

we were off and on for the rest of high school. we didn't realize it then, or maybe we just didn't say it out loud.  but we loved each other. i've dated three people since brent, but he was the only boy i've ever felt that way about. he's the kind of person i can sit in silence with and have it be perfectly comfortable. he knows my secrets and still cares about me. he doesn't hate spending time with my family, and i adore his. now that we're both back home (and living at his parents house), at least for two more weeks, i'm realizing how much my relationship with him has changed my life. it's taught me what i want and deserve from life and from a person. the best part of moving to louisburg was meeting him. and the thought of missing him is making it hard to leave.

 

and the best part of all this, is that yesterday i woke up with "i love you" written on my hand

♥