tumblr thursday on friday, a throwback to my younger years, and a countdown

i have been busy. like the busiest i've been all summer probably. and as a result, i haven't paid much attention to my blog. so last night i was all "ugh i didn't get to tumblr thursday" but then i realized i can do it today, cause this is my blog and i make the rules. so, without further ado, tumblr goodness...

love me some tumblr. anyways, so on wednesday i took kate up to her new middle school to get her locker and stuff set up with pictures and such (she even chose a picture from this day, awwww). here's the neat thing. kate and i went to the same middle school (prms). so i've always been bugging her about teachers that still teach there that i knew, and what's changed, blah blah blah. the first one i asked about was mrs. james, my middle school choir director. and guess what, she's still there.

so this year, because the school district is getting so huge and expansive, they opened up a new middle school (abms), and took some of the prms teachers with them. one of which was the fabulous mrs. james. on our way to abms i told kate that we were not leaving until i had seen that woman. i loved her and she changed my liiiiiife. can i please just show you this beautiful school? kate is so lucky. this place is incredible. i'm jealous.

after kates pictures were up and she had tested her locker out a couple times to make sure everything was right, we walked all over that monster of a school on a hunt for the choir room, and mrs. james. we passed the band room, we passed the orchestra room, and then WE FOUND MRS. JAMES. best day of my life. we talked for half an hour about the 7 years it'd been since we had seen each other, choir directors, my old classmates, my future, her beautiful new choir room, and it was the absolute greatest thing. it completely made my day and i rambled on about it for the next several hours (sorry kate). 

this is my last weekend in kansas! i'm still having mixed feelings about it, but it'll probably go by so fast that i won't even have time to decide exactly how i feel. i don't work again until monday so i'm planning on: dragging brent to see glee in 3D with me, my last saturday pilates class, lake time with brent's family, a party at church for my little 7 year olds, and maybe a skype sesh with my mother dear whom i miss so very much. i can't wait.

watch this...

5 days until my last day of work

6 days until chris comes

8 days until we leave kansas

9 days until i'm in provo with aims baims and sassafrass

10 days until death cab for cutie with amber

17 days until vegas with juelaine

20 days until california/disneyland trip

27 days until i drive up to idaho

and then most likely i'll stop the countdowns for awhile

oh! one more thing before i leave you. i would just like to say that my application is in, my references have been sent, and my interview has been completed. which means, now it's just time to wait to hear if i got accepted for china. this time last year i was getting my acceptance for ecuador. so crazy. i'm such a little traveler. i love it. sorry for the longest blog post ever. i just had lots of catching up to do since my mini hiatus from blogland. have a happy friday!

friendship confessions

this week over at the shine project, ashley has been talking about life changing relationships. so i'm here to tell you about miiiiiiiine. while you read, let your ears enjoy this deliciousness by bon iver.

i've kind of said this before, but i'm not one of those people who have had the pleasure of meeting their best friends in diapers, and staying close ever since. my friends have changed whenever i've moved. and for some reason they can't withstand the time and distance that separates us. we both change and grow and mature, and turn into different people. we don't do this together, we do this and go our own ways. 

when i was born and lived in california, brooke hartman was my best friend. but when i was 3 we moved. and i haven't seen much of her since. when i was in preschool i met hannah eggleston. she wouldn't share her toy with me so what did i do? i bit her. both of our parents got called down to the school and we were best friends since. our families would carve pumpkins together, go to worlds of fun together, and we never bit each other ever again.

(i'm on the left, she's in the middle)

i went to three different elementary schools. again, my friends changed with each move. in kindergarten and 1st grade i played with michelle dunlap, jessica bindi and jeffrey sooter. in 2nd grade sydney hague was my bff. in 3rd grade i switched schools again and this time i was really close with ali rios, madison chinn, and nici ashner. but, we didn't go to the same middle school, as my family moved again. i still talked to ali some because we were cool preteens and got cell phones. i'm pretty sure we even had a sleepover once or twice. but i was busy, and so was she, so that friendship slowly dissipated as well.

in the awkwardness of middle school i got close to jennifer baldwin, laila al-khashti, lauren cox, and kinsey belgeri. but again, four years later, my family moved to louisburg. this time it was a little bit easier to stay in contact. we had texting, facebook, and i only lived half an hour away from them. junior year i had a falling out with jen, and because girls are girls, i was no longer friends with the rest of them. but mollie schaefer was there to pick up the pieces and so began our best friendship.

the summer after our junior year of high school, we were inseparable. for the most part, the four of us (mollie, me, and our sisters) spent every day and night together. we had the most wonderful time doing... nothing. she was the best friend i'd ever had. she stood up for me, she gave as much as she took, and she loved me for who i was. i don't think i'd ever had a better friend before mollie. 

senior year came and we both started to change. we got busy getting ready to graduate and go to college. we started hanging out with different people. we went to prom together! but things just weren't like they were that summer. we talk less, and see each other very infrequently. we were best friends, but even that friendship isn't still intact.

the friendship that changed my life, would probably be my friendship with brent arnold. i met him in spanish 2 my first semester at louisburg high school. i honestly remember thinking, "he's so attractive, he's probably way too good for me" ...is that not ridiculous? we had a couple classes together and started hanging out with the same group of people. we became best friends. i would bring him his homework when he missed school, and take care of him when he was sick. i would spend my weekends with him playing halo or watching him skate. i would even leave musical practice early and sneak over to his house just to spend a few minutes with him during the week. 

he always had a girlfriend. people thought that girlfriend was me, but only because he spent more time with me than he did with his actual girlfriends. as you can imagine, this created some problems. mostly for me. i was on the receiving end of a lot of hatefulness and cruelty. junior year was rough because of that. but then brent and i dated. it's what everyone expected would happen. and i'm glad it did. not much changed between us, he was already my best friend and the only person i spent all day thinking about. he was my very first kiss and my first real boyfriend (i don't count brian ivanuska who asked me out in 5th grade at the beginning of recess and then broke up with me when it was time to go back inside).

we were off and on for the rest of high school. we didn't realize it then, or maybe we just didn't say it out loud.  but we loved each other. i've dated three people since brent, but he was the only boy i've ever felt that way about. he's the kind of person i can sit in silence with and have it be perfectly comfortable. he knows my secrets and still cares about me. he doesn't hate spending time with my family, and i adore his. now that we're both back home (and living at his parents house), at least for two more weeks, i'm realizing how much my relationship with him has changed my life. it's taught me what i want and deserve from life and from a person. the best part of moving to louisburg was meeting him. and the thought of missing him is making it hard to leave.

 

and the best part of all this, is that yesterday i woke up with "i love you" written on my hand

♥

the little things

there is a cute older couple that lives a couple blocks away from my house. i drive by them every night on my way home from work. rain or shine, they are sitting outside, waving to the several passersby. and when i say “rain or shine,” i mean rain. or. shine. last week during a light summer rainstorm they were sitting on their porch, with an umbrella in hand, enjoying each other’s company. today, in the excessive heat and humidity, where were they? nowhere other than sitting in a couple lawn chairs under the shadow of the huge oak tree that shades their front yard. sometimes i get excited to turn the corner down their street, eagerly waiting their friendly waves and smiles. it’s something i’m going to miss about this place.

over time i’ve come to love a lot of things about this little community. the kindness of the people, the feel of a small town and finally being somewhere where i belong. the overwhelming sense of tradition and pride that has made the burg what it is. i consider this the place where i really grew up. where i started to figure out who i am and where i want to go in life. it was also where i experienced a lot of firsts; my first job, my first kiss (and my first boyfriend), my first car (and my first ticket), my first school musical, my first experiences in the real world as i got older and grew up a little bit.

i love louisburg. and tonight, as i sit in an empty room, i realize this is the last night i’m going to spend here. in this bed, in this room, in this house. for the first time since i found out we’re moving, i’m actually sad about leaving.

exboyfriends

i have four. one i still talk to (and i'm moving in with his parents in two weeks), one i haven't seen/heard from/thought about in a good two or three years, one is married with a baby, and one... i'm still working on getting over. 

e: im strugglin, i know you probably dont care, but i miss you. and i hope youre doing well.

me: tell me whats up

e: i tried to start talking to a girl. well, actually we were together technically. but i just got dumped over facebook. and to be honest… im not over you in the least bit

me: i’ve tried to move on too. but i can’t, because he’s no you

e: screw distance

me: i miss you. you were my best friend. and still sometimes i’ll get excited about something or have big news to share and you’re the first person i want to tell, but i feel like i can’t and i hate that.

e: there’s something that i’ve needed to tell you for awhile now, but i’m not telling you like this. and you already know what it is

me: i’ve wanted to tell you a hundred times

e: i know it’ll make things harder, but it needs to be said regardless.

i hate the thought of moving away and more than likely never seeing him again. but if there's one thing that i've learned, it's that life goes on. and sometimes that means moving on. i'm gonna work on that. but maybe it can wait...

this time last year (part 2)

i'm not sure if anybody can tell yet, but last summer (which was spent in rexburg with my best friends) was my favorite summer. so every summer holiday, like memorial day, and like today, i spend wishing i was out west.

this time last year, my roommates blake and kat went to oregon for the long weekend. so i had the whole apartment to myself for like four days. yes it was lonely, but yes i kind of liked it. i don't even remember what i did in the morning. for some reason i feel like i went and saw a movie. idk, that's weird. but in the afternoon, amy and i went to idaho falls with zack and tanner and tucker and matt and jeremy and jeremy's woman and braden and a few other people that i don't remember or don't care to mention. we played cards on the side of the highway, and then walked down to the river to watch fireworks. it was magical. but unfortunately these are the only pictures from that day.

happy 4th!

hopefully something exciting happens...

B.A.C.

alright, so... as i mentioned here, i graduated in 2009. but my sister showed me this video yesterday that the student council made for the class of 2011. sometimes i miss high school. i'm so happy i graduated from lhs. i moved to a new high school the summer after my freshman year. and it was probably one of those things that changed my life for the better. i moved from a school of 1500 kids to 500 and experienced a completely different atmosphere as a result of that. i had opportunities that i probably wouldn't have, had i stayed at such a big school. at louisburg, everybody knows everybody. literally, everybody. the teachers, staff, and administration all knew me by name, and most of the kids had been together since preschool. something about louisburg is just... different. we're more unified, not just as a class, but as an entire school community. and this video, i think, helps show that.

p.s. my sister is the hot blonde they call "girl"

p.p.s. if you're curious about the "B.A.C." title, it stands for "Believe, Achieve, Commitment," but a couple years ago at a football game, the student section started cheering "Bad Ass Cats" instead, and B.A.C. was banned... neat

dandelions

our brain's ability to remember things is impressive. we all have songs, movies, words, pictures, smells, things, that take us back to a particular person, day, time, or memory. whatever it may be, that link we have, it's what helps keep that memory alive.

when i smell old spice cologne, i think of my grandpa

when i wear my tie-dye shirt, i get nostalgic for last summer with my best friend

when i eat gardetto's, i remember the time i got sick after my 4th grade christmas party

when i hear mae, i think of david

well, when i see dandelions, i start missing ecuador...

i don't even know what it is about dandelions that i've attached ecuador to, but it won't go away. maybe it's because the park we took the kids to play in was riddled with dandelions from rarely being mowed. or maybe it's because rosa used to bring them to me in bunches. or maybe it's because belen and i used to put them behind our ears to match. i don't know what it is. but i see dandelions everywhere lately. and i can't stop missing my babies.

anniversaries

two years ago today, i was sitting in my high school's gym at my very own commencement ceremony. two years ago today i graduated high school. that makes me feel old. it's weird. i don't like it. so much has changed in two years. like so much. good and bad. but i'd like to think mostly good. so, here's to all the friends i made, things i learned, and places i've been because of my time at louisburg high school. happy graduation anniversary to meeee!

(i don't miss my black hair a single bit, in case you were wondering)

all i want...

...is to go home :(

amy y yo

i miss this day

and this park

and this fish

and this girl

home is... where the heart is?

if that's true, then my home is ecuador. i miss it so much. so terribly much. i think about it every day; my babies, my girls, my red and white house, my awfully uncomfortable bed, my everything. i wanna be back there so bad. howeeeevvverrrr, since i'm not going back anytime soon, let's talk about my life since i've been back in kansas.

actually, let's start with my journey back to kansas. it started friday morning at 4am. ariel and i left the house at 4 and headed to the airport. ariel is a winner and forgot her credit card so we had to turn around. when we got inside the airport we had to wait in a 2 hour long line just to find out our flight from quito was delayed 2 hours. then i was informed that my flight had been rerouted and i was going through atlanta now and expected in kc an hour earlier than planned. i liked that. when we got to miami and through customs, which was a pain in and of itself, i had to wait in another looooong line that caused me to miss my flight to atlanta. when i finally approached the american airlines counter, the guy told me that there wasn't another flight out of miami that night, and that there also weren't any hotels in the area that i could stay in. soo i took a charter bus from miami to ft. lauderdale (with a group of about 30 couples that looked older than my grandma who had just gotten back from a cruise) and then flew from ft. lauderdale to chicago. i stayed a lonely night in the holiday inn in chicago, and then caught the flight the next morning from chi town to kc. i'm finally hoooooooome!

now it's just doctors appointments and getting work lined up. i'm happy to be back in the states and back to real life. but i'd so much rather be where my babies are. where i feel good about what i'm doing every day. and where i'm a better person.

sometimes night shift sucks, but sometimes...

...sometimes it's not so bad, at all. last night caitlin and i had night shift together. while we waited for "the change" we talked and played with the babies. we talked about life, and get married, and school, and what we're doing with our lives, and the ecuadorian kids we're falling in love with. we talked about everything. and i liked it. the change (at 9, when we change everybody's diaper, clean or dirty) went pretty smoothly. i love the ones that stay asleep during it (like christian) and are so hard to move cause of all their dead weight. but i also love the older tres kids for not crying and for being helpful when trying to fit hands in onesie holes and such. then i got to enjoy a peaceful 4 hours of pretty sound sleep. when it was my turn to stay awake, the babies were pretty quiet the whole night. i had to sit on the ground by the swing little sam was in and push him the whole four hours, but i didn't even mind. it was worth it for him to stay happy and quiet.

i read my book. night shift lets me get so much reading done and i thoroughly enjoy it because i never have time to read. i also think a lot at night shift. like...a lot. for some reason i was thinking about high school? ew, right? but it started because i was missing my boys. the ones i spent my days and nights with. the ones that went to prom with me when we were sophomores so i could take pictures for yearbook. the ones that laid in my backyard and watched stars with me for literally hours. the ones that gave me advice and listened to me complain while we slaved away at work at hometown pizza (rest in peace, you lovely restaurant which was my place of employment for a whole year that is now unfortunately the new bar and grill, "the tavern"). the ones i'd go watch skate out in the cold. the ones who trusted me with their secrets. and the ones who spent more time with me than with their own girlfriends. would i choose to go back, for even just a day? never. but looking back now, was it great? absolutely. 

some days i just really like my life. some days i like who i am, and i like the way things have turned out. some days i can't help but smile and realize how truly, truly blessed i am. today, last night, i'm just having one of those days.

041608

i wish i could laugh with you again. i wish that, even though you broke me, i could still call you a friend after this long. i wish that i could give you a hug when i saw you instead of pretending you didn’t exist. i don’t love you anymore. i’ve gotten past that… but i miss the way you made me smile. i miss the way you were my best friend. i can lose a lover but losing a friend is worse than anything.

and the beat goes on...

my happiness streak continues. haha im seriously so happy. i absolutely love my life right now. everything about it. i had a couple bad days this week, but i wasnt down for long. i have the best friends, the best family, the best everything.

last night me and amy went to patriots and pioneers, this choir/band thing. i had to go for my humanities class so i wasnt particulary looking forward to it, but it was SO GOOOD. it made me miss choir so bad. i miss select, i miss backrub thursdays, i miss sickel, i miss singing everyday, i miss songs that give me goosebumps, i miss our chicago trip, i miss the unity and the people.

but this was amazing. at the beginning we all sang "the star spangled banner" and it was incredible. i got chills. it was a good reminder for how blessed i am to live in this country. we have so much opportunity, freedom, pride and so many blessings. i completely enjoyed last night. i miss being in choir. me and bets decided were gonna do university choir next semester, i cant wait.

there is something i absolutely positively loooove about summer nights. i love driving around with the windows down, blasting music and singing along. i love shorts and tshirts. i love how perfect the temperature at night is. last night i went with justin and little john longboarding. i didnt actually go, i just drove them to the top of hills and followed them down. haha it was so fun. longboarding must be a rexburg/westcoast thing cause i swear people dont do that in kansas.

this weekend is going to be spectacular. blake and kat are in oregon :( so im all by myself. but its going to be just phenomenal. except for the fact that i have to take a science test that im confident i will fail. oh wellllll. tomorrow, fireworks, a cookout, a sleepover and the new 3oh!3 album will make everything all better.

fjdklaf; i love where i come from, happy fourth of julyyy

p.s. my current musical obsesssion... "im not the one" by 3oh!3