cory & topanga

"i don't want to be friends. i can love you or hate you for the rest of my life. those are the choices i see."

i love boy meets world

seasons

so you know that disorder?
SAD
seasonal affective disorder
the kind where you get depressed when its cold and cloudy
yeah, ive decided i suffer from that big time
i think thats probably why im a huge fan of spring
everything is so... new
everything comes back to life after being dead all winter
and this year, spring is bringing me lots of exciting things

when spring hits, ill be in ecuador
ill turn 20 on march 19th
a fantastic new job (or two) will be waiting for me when i get back
ill be starting a new school
with new friends
and new roommates
in a new city
but where is still to be decided

i just really like spring
and im looking forward to being happier
because when im not, im not me

and speaking of ecuador?
thirty-one days

fact

for the most part, people just suck

more often than not, im left disappointed

by the people i thought cared about me most

im very much someone that wears their heart on their sleeve

and i guess maybe it's my fault

because im the one that ends up the fool

and im pretty sick of it, actually

so bottom line?

expect nothing from people

it's the easiest way to keep from getting hurt

lesson learned

people never change

"i know how it is when someone disappoints you. its tempting to see things the way you wish they were instead of how they are"

thank you, enchanted

041608

i wish i could laugh with you again. i wish that, even though you broke me, i could still call you a friend after this long. i wish that i could give you a hug when i saw you instead of pretending you didn’t exist. i don’t love you anymore. i’ve gotten past that… but i miss the way you made me smile. i miss the way you were my best friend. i can lose a lover but losing a friend is worse than anything.

the day after

sooooo i had the best intentions of waking up at 2 and going black friday shopping

however, i suck

and when my alarm went off at 2

i couldn't muster the strength to get up

so i slept for a total of...

14 hours

impressive?

i think so

i just got off the phone with hadley

she's my favorite person in the whole world

i miss my best friend

i miss staying up til 1 or 2 on a school night

talking about life and boys and when we grow up

i miss driving around louisburg for hours

listening to music

singing (screaming) at the top of our lungs

with the sunroof open and the windows down

i miss sneaking out of the house on summer nights

to run to josh and andrew's

and laying in the street and looking at the stars

i miss our inside jokes

being able to laugh for hours

about absolutely nothing at all

i miss our weird sister senses

finishing eachother's sentences

knowing when something was wrong

i miss that time when we woke up in the middle of the night, sleeping in the basement (i'm not sure why) and singing the exact same song

i'm completely convinced that my sister is gonna be the person i miss the most while i'm in ecuador

but i can't wait to see her in less than a month

and then to be at home for 6 months

to see her get ready for prom, help her study for finals, and have summer again

because summer in louisburg?

is the best thing ever

and this year, i'll be home for it

19 days

til school is over

22 days

til i leave rexburg forever

and go to utah

24 days

til kansas

29 days

til christmas

34 days

til ecuador

thanksygivegive

today,

i am thankful for:

my family, especially my mom

my real friends

the opportunity i have to get an education

everyone who's helping me get to ecuador (in just 35 days!)

the army, marine, navy, and air force men i call my friends and family

arms to hug with, and hands to hold

my talents

clean laundry

cars and planes to get me to my family

music; making it, listening to it, lyrics that express the things i cannot, and the people i share it with

my trials and the things i learn from them

all kinds of love

letters from my friends serving missions

traditions, new and old

my obsession with the spanish language

money that makes my life easier

that i am who i am

the miracle of forgiveness

the gospel i am a part of

and, my God

happy thanksgiving all, eat up :)

i love it when you call me big papi

my day consisted of:

toast

driving downtown

the stratosphere with amalia

the big shot at the stratosphere

getting hit on by egyptian men

taking pictures with egyptian men

$20 memories

being annoyed by my family

thai food at pin kaow

driving around with tun

playing pool with amalia and tun

watching parenthood and glee by myself

and

sneaking apple pie at midnight

happy wednesday, all

:)

this, right now

i have the worst feeling ever

and i only know partially what it's from

but i dont like it

not one bit

and i hope it goes away soon

because i dont like feeling

sad, or confused, or hurt, or scared, or angry

i.hate.it.

and i want everything to be perfect again

thats all i want

please :(

...and my procrastinative tendencies kick in

i should be doing homework,

or showering,

or doing something productive

but i'm not in the mood

so instead,

i'm listening to wordplay that i got in the mail yesterday thanks to a one david starkweather

whilst i look at pics from last night

last night

we went on a scavenger hunt on the strip

and when i say "we" i mean...

me

juelaine

shelby

kyle

joel

tun

dennis

kiah

jared

dallan

tyler

and a bunch of weirdos whose names i don't know

it was completely fantastic

the list included, but was not limited to:

shaking the change out of a teammate's pockets

kissing a teammate through glass (my personal favorite)

something about a goofy hat? i don't even know

have a cop pretend to arrest you (even though that was pretty typical of joel)

human bridge

walk out of the bathroom with toilet paper on your shoe

human pyramid

get a kiss from a stranger

trade clothes (he stretched out my northface, booo)

do the limbo

i just love my joel

...and my shelby

the rest we didn't get pics of cause we took videos of them

but they were...

propose to somebody (dallan prosposed to a lady in mcdonalds)

get somebody to teach you the duggie (these little black boys taught us, and their moms were all into it... so awesome)

get somebody to serenade you (this jamaican guy sung "take a look at my girlfriend" to me haha)

arm wrestle a stranger, and they have to lose

i don't remember the rest

but it was all pretty great

and then, like usual, we ended the night at in-n-out

happy (a)fternoon

good (e)vening

let me just tell you how cute my grandpa was

while he and my grandma were dating

she was in school, in provo

and he was working, in tracy california

and he would drive twelve hours

(each way) to see her

every weekend

go ahead and tell me that's not love

anyways

when my grandma got home from shopping today

she came in the house and goes,

"paaaaaaige! i have something for yoooouuuu!"

would you like to know what that something was?

it was mail

for me

my david mail

that i have been waiting freaking forever for

and it absolutely positively 100% made.my.day.

also

i cannot wait to see this guy tomorrow

sucksucksuck

holidays have been hard the last two years

actually, they completely suck

because exactly two years ago,

on december 2nd,

my grandpa passed away

and now thanksgiving and christmas

remind me of him

and it sucks

because i miss him every day

my man

the other day my friend abbey made a list of all the qualities she wants in her perfect boy, and i decided since i haven't made one of those since i was like 12, that it was probably time to update it :)

therefore, off we go...

• he has to be taller than i am, speak another language, be musically inclined and mildly attractive. those are my only shallow/physical requirements haha
• he has to make me laugh. i absolutely cannot be with somebody who doesn't have a sense of humor.
• he has to be romantic and spontaneous, but only sometimes.
• he has to like my music. i think telling someone they have a good taste in music is probably one of the best compliments you can give someone. and liking the same music makes car rides much more enjoyable.
• he has to have goals and plans and dreams. i don't want to be with someone who is content with not growing and changing and doing things with his life. ambitious people are happier, and more successful.
• he has to love me and respect me for who i am. he has to love the things about me that i don't even love about myself. he has to want to be better everyday with me and grow along side of me.
• he has to love his family, especially his mom and sisters. because that is how he'll treat me. my family is everything to me. and he has to appreciate that.
• he has to get along with my family and my friends. i can't be with somebody who my family and friends don't love. when you marry someone, you marry their family too.
• he has to take me to the temple. i think that's the most important. i can't and won't settle for anything less than a temple marriage.

i think this is probably a work in progress. but it's at least better and more realistic than the list i made when i was 12. so, you know...

i want a love like johnny and june, like noah and allie, like my grandma and grandpa

that's all, really

thanksgiving last year...

...sucked so bad

i was stuck in rexburg by myself for

five days

before i went home

because i wasn't aware that we had a whole week off

foolish me

so my week of solitude consisted of...

pretty (but lonely) rexburg sunsets

watching the first two seasons of gossip girl on dvd

snow writing (i didn't do this i swear)

and taking a picture every hour as the snow fell for ten hours straight

by far the most depressing thing ever

aaaaand then i had my torturous trek home

never again

basically last thanksgiving sucked

so this year...

derek atkinson it taking me to the salt lake airport in approximately an hour and a half, where i will get on a plane at 8:50pm and land in vegas a short hour and a half later

and

i cant wait

:)

the unexpected

so i have this friend, marcel

marcel alexander longstreet harvey

yes, that's his real name

i didn't even believe him until he showed me his license

anywayssssss

marcel is my very best friend

he was my prom date sophomore year

he came over at 2am and talked to me for hours when i had my heart broken

he hugs me when im sad and sings to me when im lonely

he's one of the few people i actually miss from high school

i just love the guy with all my heart

however, he's never been a fan of my personal beliefs when it comes to religion

he told me once that letting me be mormon is like "watching your pet dog play on the freeway" (wtf...?)

so last night when he called me to discuss joseph smith, i wasn't too thrilled

i'm all for talking about my beliefs, but when people ask questions just to ridicule and belittle me because they don't agree?

im not okay with that

so i told marcel to get back to me when he had read the book of mormon

and of course, me being the pessimist i am, i was just saying that

i didn't think he'd actually agree to read it

but he did

my best friend is going to read the book of mormon

and that's the hugest deal to me

i can't believe it

and i'm ecstatic

it doesn't matter if he believes in it or not

but the fact that he is going to put his judgement aside,

and read a book that is the main reason i am who i am,

means the whole world to me

only the good die young

lately, a lot of young people around the community i live in have been killed. it's the saddest thing ever and i don't understand it. last september was zac mesmer from louisburg, last month was nathan stiles from spring hill, and last week was jacob carver from freeman. i hate it. no matter how close you are to them, when a life is taken, you feel it. last year when louisburg lost zac it was the biggest deal. i was already up at school and i remember getting a text on a sunday morning from my friend taylor that said "did you hear messmer died?" ...my heart just sank. the whole town was devastated. zac graduated a year before me, but i heard that the highschool the next day was just silent. everybody was heartbroken and in the worst mood. even more than a year later people still talk about zac on a regular basis. the sting of nathan and jake's death is still fresh and a lot of my friends back home are having a really hard time with it right now. i feel bad for the family and friends of these guys who don't have the understanding that i do that they will see them again. my heart goes out to all of them.

"only the good die young."

rest in peace,

jacob

nathan

&

zac

happy humpday

"love is friendship set on fire"

-jeremy taylor

mondays don't ALWAYS have to suck

i had the most fantastic monday yesterday

i know that's probably blasphemous to say

but it was all good

like the whole day

can i tell you why?

first, i woke up to david, and not my alarm

i actually had time for breakfast for once

i made it to my first class not just on time, but early

i went to natural disasters for the first time in a month

amalia came to class with me

i had lunch with her and alec

and alec gave me $20 for food

and he bought me a ring from the ring shop

i didn't get called on in spanish

instead i wrote a letter

when i was walking to class i ran into t'jae

his hugs are the best

like theeeee bessssst

and he's always happy to see me

then kameron told me he'd find me a ride to boise

in choir all we did was sing the messiah chorus

it was perfect

and ashley and i just talked about...things, the whole hour

i painted my nails black when i got home

i watched a good deal of hulu

and i was in bed by 8:30

the only bad part of my day?

i didnt get anything in the mail

and i got a papercut

but for a monday?

i'm not complaining at all

it was stellar

p.s. i cant wait to see these people in just three days :)))

i hate the salt lake express

family isn't just the people you share a name, blood, or home with

family is a feeling

over the last year i've found family in so many places, and for that i am grateful

last thanksgiving i had the absolute worst time trying to get home. i was taking the shuttle from rexburg to the slc airport, because everybody had already left school and it was my only way to the airport. the driver was 20 minutes late picking us up, and we got more and more behind with each stop we made. when we got to ogden (which is like an hour north of the airport), i called my mom cause i was concerned i wasn't going to make it in time. my plane was to leave at 6:50 and it was already 6:00. i started to get frantic with each passing minute. i called my mom and stepdad, and my dad and stepmom, trying to figure out if there were people i could stay with in the salt lake area in case i missed my plane. at this point i was crying and most of the people on the shuttle knew what was going on. it was so embarrassing. a man came over and sat down next to me and was like "i couldn't help but overhear your situation, and if you'd like, i can help you with your things and try to get you on your plane." still a tearful mess i thanked him and accepted his offer. we got to the airport at 6:45. we rushed in the appropriate terminal and ran to the desk to find out if it was too late.... it was. i don't think i'd stopped crying this whole time. i got my mom on the phone to buy the last seat on the first flight out the next morning. they wouldn't take her credit card over the phone and i didn't have money in my checking account to use mine. the man who was still with me offered to buy me my ticket so i could get home. that may or may not have been the nicest thing anybody has ever done for me. i found family in the generosity of that man.

this thanksgiving i'm not going home,

but i'm at least going to be with my family

and during this season i can't help but remember and be grateful for the people who go out of their way to show me kindness

my absolute favorite people

its safe to say that these are in no particular order

but meet my favorite people

betsy tracy: we're 816 hussies for life

calaigh and sterling clark: my favorite married couple

sean bird: he gives the best hugs, and advice, and i love him

brian driggs: my best friend

my mom: i dream of becoming half the woman she is

juelaine noa: my favorite hawaiian

my sister, and mason whaley

(theyre dating, why not do them together?)

kyle olson: the best person i know, and currently serving the people of albuquerque, new mexico

amy cragun

(almost pass, in april)

emily checketts: the one i steal shopping carts and workout with, thank you efy 2009

marcel harvey: my other best friend, sophomore year prom date, future husband, and he sings me to sleep

adrianna york: :)

these are my best friends

the people i love

the ones that get me through the bad days

sure we've said things we don't mean

we fight

we make up

but at the end of the day...

...they're my people

when nobody else loves me,

they do

when everything is changing,

they're constant

i love, my people

meet my girl

enter amalia

we call her,

amalia

mali

mya

shes the hottest girl on the planet

boys should ask her out

errday

and the best part about her?

shes coming to school up here next year

...too bad i wont be here with her :)

i love my amalia castelli

mostly cause castelli is her italian middle name

and her mom makes BOMB bread

i guess its an italian thing...