bad day?

this helps

tumblr thursday

i'm almost done being sick. i can feel it. i still sound like a boy though. so i'm looking forward to that going away soon. i've been so eager for the weekend since monday and tumblr thursday means it's almost here! 

i feel like i have a lot of black and white lately. oh well. it's classy right? we finally finished decorating our living room! now that we've been here for three weeks... better late than never i guess. tomorrow night is betsy's diabetic party (every year on the anniversary of her diagnosis she has a party involving lots of yummy sugary foods she shouldn't eat, it's a really good time) and lot's of people are coming. can't. wait.

happy thursday, all!

the perfect indian summer

for those of you who don't know, rexburg is unseasonably cold for most of the year. not all of idaho. no, just rexburg. my very first semester here, it started snowing on october 5th and we didn't have our last snow until june 6th. i don't know about you, but i think 8 months of snow is like five too many. 

well this semester has been different. it's chilly in the morning, warm and sunny all day, and then cool again when the sun goes down. i'm not complaining at all. it's perfect. today i felt like going for a drive. i just had an urge. there's something about driving around with the sun roof open, not having a destination, and music blaring that's just so... magical. it's when i'm the absolute happiest.

chelsie joined me today for a drive followed by an adventure at the haunted swings. i loved every second of it. please forgive me for not wearing pants, and for having retarded faces in every single one of these pictures. i was just caught up in the fantasticness of it all.

she's a cutie

i like her

and the weather

and rexburg

and my life

except for the fact that i'm sick... that kinda sucks

forget me not

i love dieter f. uchtdorf 

so much

power is...

...the ability to ask for what you want

...having the courage to accept the things and people you can't change

...understanding your value as a person

...being comfortable with who you are

and power is knowing that i am a daughter of god

the mess inside my head

my room is finally beautiful and clean and feels like home. i like it a lot. over my window is the "welcome peepee" thing that amy made me when i stayed with her last month. in the windowsill are all my books, along with the picture frame of hank and hannah the phillips gave me. on the wall by my desk is the graffiti painting brant made me. on the opposite wall is the craft i made with amy. above my bed is the classy black and white picture i have of the sacred grove, and on the wall to the left of my dresser is the shrine i made to ecuador. it includes billions of pictures, along with notes all my girls wrote me and caitlin and danny's wedding announcement. there will probably be pictures in the future. i'm just happy my room is finally done.

i'm not so stressed about money anymore. my mom mailed me a $300 check and my grandma sent me a $200 one. how lovely. i also have an interview with the managing partner of the texas roadhouse in idaho falls. thank you mother. it pays (excuse the pun) to have a big shot mommy. 

i've been sick since yesterday morning. it's the worst. i'm doped up on dayquil, vicks vaporub, nasal spray and cough drops with vitamin c. i just want to feel better. that's not too much to ask, right? the nice thing about being stuck at home though, is being able to catch up on all my shows, aaaand getting homework done so i can enjoy my sabbath tomorrow.

here's the real point of this post... i made a decision. just a couple weeks ago i was jumping with excitement because i finally got accepted to teach english in china this winter with chelsie. well, i've thought and prayed and talked to my mom a lot about it. and without getting into details, i've decided not to go. i'm really pretty bummed about it actually, but i think it's what's best for me right now. so this january i'm moving to orem, working full time until august, and then transferring to uvu. 

what i've learned this year is that sometimes, just when you think you have it all figured out, heavenly father has a funny way of dropping in and turning your world upside down. in a good way, of course. i'm just not used to not having a plan. but everything that's happened this year has helped me be better at going with the flow. so here's to that.

happy saturday, fraaaands

tumblr thursday

it's really quite absurd how fast time goes by when i'm out at school. i'm almost done with my second week. strange? i happen to think so. here's what's on the agenda for today: clean/organize my room, get homework done, pick kelsey and lindsay up from class, go to the health center with kels to find out if we have TB or not (pray that we don't please... that would suck), celebrate not having TB by going to costa vida for lunch, getting help with my spanish homework from cory, being in bed by 11. let's see if that all happens. enjoy tumblr thursday.

a big announcement is coming tomorrow...

probably not that big for you

but pretty big for me

so i feel like sharing

get over it

happy freaking thursday

so over america

i'm friends on facebook with some of the girls who are in ecuador right now so i can see their pictures of my babies. i don't know why though, every time they post new pictures i sit in my room and cry for like half an hour. it's unreal how much i miss them. every day i wish i could go back and stay forever. i belong there.

perfect, right? they're desperate for volunteers this winter. if i had the time and money, i'd be down there in a heartbeat. real talk though...

go apply. you won't regret it for a second!

i wish my life was an 80's movie

i love emma stone

i love this movie

i love this quote

the end

stress

life sucks lately mostly because i only have $21.02 in my checking account to last me until i get a job but who knows when that will be even though i hope it's soon because i literally have no money but my grandma should be sending me a $100 check soon and instead of buying my new phone with it i think i'm going to pay tithing because i feel like if i do that then maybe i'll get blessings and something miraculous will happen like i'll get a call about one of these jobs or i'll find like a million dollars laying in the road or something and i think that'd be really cool and what else is pissing me off is the fact that i've gotten TWO parking tickets in the last 48 hours and that infuriates me more than just about anything else ever has and it's really super frustrating and also i have a lot of homework and i don't feel like doing it and i want to take a shower but i don't have time because i have said homework and also i'm going to tanner's parents house in idaho falls tonight for a fire and smores so that's gonna be fun but i'll probably be worried the whole time about getting my homework done and being in bed at a decent hour and i also need to talk to someone about my schedule and finding out how far away i am from getting my associates so i can make plans to transfer to uvu or provo so i can get out of rexburg and it's all just so overwhelming and i honestly just feel like curling up in a ball and sleeping forever.

but i can't. so i'm going to make a list of reasons to be grateful today, suck it up, and move on.

happy half birthday to me

this time six months ago i was making oreo nests with little orphan kids in south america. i'm 20 and a half today. i seriously love my birthday more than any of the other 364 days out of the year (with the exception of christmas... christmas is pretty great). so, as you can imagine, i'm pretty crazy about my half birthday as well. here are the highlights:

1. i woke up 40 minutes later than i should have
2. i forgot to bring my spanish homework to class
3. i lost my favorite earrings
4. i got asked on a date in my d&c class by a beautiful boy named adrian
5. i had lunch with kelsey in the library
6. i got a parking ticket

and that, my friends, is that.

a question

me: do you love me?
you: immensely.
me: when did you know?
you: when i could feel your warmth and closeness without you being anywhere near me.

this is fall

betsy is one of my best friends. betsy is diabetic. betsy was diagnosed with type 1 juvenile diabetes 8 years ago this month. diabetes is a chronic lifetime disease without a cure. and that is why i did what i did today...

this morning i was woken up when betsy came into my room, covered my cold bare shoulder with my blankets, and said in a sing-song voice, "wake up princess." it was beyond ideal. today i enjoyed waking up at 8am. 

kelsey, betsy and i then proceeded to put on our icky work out clothes and drove to idaho falls with the sunroof open, letting MGMT and Empire of the Sun course through our veins. it was magical. we followed my gps (who i named gladys) to snake river landing where we walked a 5k to raise money for a cure for diabetes. upon crossing the finish line we were met with applause from storm troopers and star wars babies, and led to a potato bar for lunch. it was seriously the perfect fall day. i'm content with 60 degrees and sunny. perfectly content.

go donate!

skinny love

no song could describe more perfectly how i feel right now

tumblr thursday

well lovelies, i'm off to get a tb test (byui locked me out of ilearn until i get one because i was in ecuador), return my job applications, and finish my room. enjoy tumblr thursday this week.

first week blues

i started school monday. monday, as in, three days ago. and already i'm stressed. here's why:

1. my spanish class terrifies me. it's a 300 level class, which means all these impressive spanish speaking rm's are in there who understand everything that's going on and know just what to say. i'm one of 4 girls in the class, 2 of whom served missions, and therefore know what's up as well. the class is about phonetics. i feel like this would be hard enough for me in english, but i have to study it in spanish. cool.

2. my room isn't all the way set up. i've lived here for a week now, and i just got unpacked yesterday. but i still have things all over my floor and desk and dresser and nothing on my walls, and it's making me anxious.

3. i have $88.11 in my checking account, to last me until i get a job. which will hopefully be sometime soon because i have 8 job applications sitting in my backpack that i need to finish filling out and take back to the restaurants from which i got them.

4. not understanding my online class. i don't understand it, not because of the material, but because i've never taken an online class before. waaaaah help me. plus it's science, and that's icky.

5. my three options for food are; cereal, quesadillas, and, drum-roll please... turkey sandwiches. i wish i had more food in my house. and not just more food, but real food. but that would require me to have money. which i have very little of (see #3). i'm at least doing better than betsy, who only has the choice of frosted flakes or cinnamon toast crunch. actually, she just finished her frosted flakes yesterday, so it sucks to be her.

6. i'm going to china this winter, you know? i've been planning on going through ILP (international language programs). but this week i've encountered so many people who have gone through China Horizons, which i've heard is significantly cheaper for essentially the same experience. and i don't know what to do. it seems like an easy choice, but i'm having a hard time making it.

7. i seemed to have lost my ipod and sunglasses. two necessities of life. i will offer a reward to any finder of these things. nothing monetary, don't be ridiculous. we're talking high fives and hugs.

in the midst of all this stress and frustration, i'm still finding things to be thankful for:

1. my friends. chelsie, madi, t'jae, and tanner in particular have been so great. lunch dates, movie dates, hugs, and heart to hearts on the way to idaho falls have made this stressful week so much better. i'm happy and grateful to be back in rexburg with my idaho people. i love them.

2. my roommates. every semester that i've been here, something significant has happened with at least one of my roommates to make me hate my life. that's what you get when you live with girls i guess. but i have a feeling this semester will be different. i already love them all so much and i'm hoping and praying for a drama free semester.

3. my mom. in child development yesterday we talked about things that our parents did growing up to help us develop biosocially, cognitivally, and psychosocially. i shared an experience i remembered from when i was younger and my professor said "make sure you thank your mom every day, that's incredible." i seriously love that woman.

4. my new ward. little freshmen dorm boys are in my fhe group this semester which i'm not thrilled about, but on the very very positive side of things... our bishop and his wife are taking all the girls in our ward to their cabin up in island park this weekend for food, games, food, movies, and lots more food. 

5. the nice weather. the thing i hate most about idaho is that it's freezing for most of the year. but right now it's september which means it's cool in the morning and warm by the afternoon. i like that. it's also going to be nice for when betsy, kelsey, katie and i go to betsy's diabetic walk this saturday.

6. i don't have class on tuesday's and thursday's, hence why it's 12:36 and i'm blogging in bed, having not gotten ready for the day yet.

7. i'm alive. whenever i'm feeling like life hates me i have to take a step back and make a list of all the things that are going right. it's helpful... i'm alive. i have a family who loves me. i have friends who are there for me. i have the opportunity to get an education where my beliefs and lifestyle as a mormon are accepted, encouraged, and supported. i have opportunities and plans. and again, i'm alive.

i apologize for the novel. it was more for my benefit than for anyone else's. haha oops. have a happy thursday! p.s. tumblr thursday will be up today for once, and not tomorrow (thank you #6).

jkfldjskajfkfjkdal;

some days i just want to crawl into a corner and cry until i don't even remember why i was crying in the first place

some days i just want to lay in bed until it's time for sleep again

some days i just want to mope and pout and be sad and wish i was someone else

some days i just want to hear that i'm still great and deserving and that nobody is even worth my tears

some days i hate the world and everyone in it

some days i need to escape

today is one of those days

but i have a to-do list a mile long and not enough time to feel sorry for myself and get it done

so i'm really hoping lunch with chelsie makes all the badness disappear

"your eyes must do some rainin' if you're ever gonna grow"

this girl...

...she's my heart

three weeks of magic

shopping on the strip with juelaine and tiffany

disneyland/california adventure

walking around huntington beach with trevin

newport beach
(where i fell asleep on my stomach and burnt the backs of my legs)

the eastern idaho state fair with mark, george and madi

emily's wedding reception/picnic thing

a paola ward reunion with baird and miller

we really struggled to get a decent picture

then we went back to colton's house to go hot tubbing and he broke his trampoline...

staying with angela in orem for the night

aaaaand now i'm back at school. today was my first day at church with my new ward. i think i'm going to like it. also i saw t'jae and got a hug from him that made my whole day. school starts tomorrow and i'm beyond terrified. that is my life.