ecuador reunions and first day jitters

saturday morning i had my menu test at texas roadhouse. i haven't been that nervous for something in a very long time. but after lots of studying, prayers, and maybe a small miracle, i passed with a 95% and got to continue on to orientation. ryan helped me study and agreed to take me to dinner if i got the job. so we got our behinds to olive garden for some endless pasta bowls, salad, and breadsticks. yummmmm.

the chicaiza family (who i stayed with while i was in ecuador) is in the states right now, so we had a little reunion with them and all the osso people in rexburg. it made my heart so very happy. they are the greatest family and it had been a long 7 months since i'd seen them. it'd also been a long 7 months since i had spoken spanish all day every day so talking to them in spanish was a little harder than i anticipated. but it came right back. say hello to maibe and tanner...

and to beth ann and brianne...

monday was my first night of work at the roadhouse. it was overwhelming/exciting/stressful/fun and left me eager for day 2. i may or may not have slipped and fallen in the kitchen carrying two salad plates. it was beyond embarrassing. however last night went much smoother and i didn't fall a single time. tonight i'm training again and am going to have to start taking tables all by myself! i'm so nervous. so so nervous. but i love that our uniform is a tshirt and jeans. i love my job.

happy wednesday!

and be nice to your servers when you go out to eat :)

so over america

i'm friends on facebook with some of the girls who are in ecuador right now so i can see their pictures of my babies. i don't know why though, every time they post new pictures i sit in my room and cry for like half an hour. it's unreal how much i miss them. every day i wish i could go back and stay forever. i belong there.

perfect, right? they're desperate for volunteers this winter. if i had the time and money, i'd be down there in a heartbeat. real talk though...

go apply. you won't regret it for a second!

this and that

hi peeps. a couple people have been asking. so, for those who have: here are links to my tumblr & my twitter

also, i highly suggest you take a bite of keebler's chips deluxe coconut cookies. call me crazy, but they're to die for.

and last but not least. everybody in the world knows that i went to ecuador a few months ago, because i just can't stop talking about it. welllllll, i just got an email from the people at osso (the organization i went with) about a "hurdle for hope" race they're doing. gugelman photography and osso are teaming up with dando amor to help the little orphan kids in ecuador. all the proceeds go directly to the orphanages osso works in!

alright, here are the deats (i honestly can't believe i just said "deats" ...anyways, moving on):

when: saturday, july 16th at 9am

where: nature park on 5th west & 3rd north in rexburg

races: 5k, 3k, 1k, and a kids' run

and here's how you register. you can; 1) go to www. hurdleforhope.org and use the discount code "hurdle" for 25% off, or 2) call jason of gugelman photography at (208) 313-6622.

please please pleeeeaase, those of you in rexburg, i encourage you to be there! i'm sure it'll be a blasty blast. if i was at school right now i definitely would be doing it myself. but if you do end up going, let me know!

dandelions

our brain's ability to remember things is impressive. we all have songs, movies, words, pictures, smells, things, that take us back to a particular person, day, time, or memory. whatever it may be, that link we have, it's what helps keep that memory alive.

when i smell old spice cologne, i think of my grandpa

when i wear my tie-dye shirt, i get nostalgic for last summer with my best friend

when i eat gardetto's, i remember the time i got sick after my 4th grade christmas party

when i hear mae, i think of david

well, when i see dandelions, i start missing ecuador...

i don't even know what it is about dandelions that i've attached ecuador to, but it won't go away. maybe it's because the park we took the kids to play in was riddled with dandelions from rarely being mowed. or maybe it's because rosa used to bring them to me in bunches. or maybe it's because belen and i used to put them behind our ears to match. i don't know what it is. but i see dandelions everywhere lately. and i can't stop missing my babies.

all i want...

...is to go home :(

home is... where the heart is?

if that's true, then my home is ecuador. i miss it so much. so terribly much. i think about it every day; my babies, my girls, my red and white house, my awfully uncomfortable bed, my everything. i wanna be back there so bad. howeeeevvverrrr, since i'm not going back anytime soon, let's talk about my life since i've been back in kansas.

actually, let's start with my journey back to kansas. it started friday morning at 4am. ariel and i left the house at 4 and headed to the airport. ariel is a winner and forgot her credit card so we had to turn around. when we got inside the airport we had to wait in a 2 hour long line just to find out our flight from quito was delayed 2 hours. then i was informed that my flight had been rerouted and i was going through atlanta now and expected in kc an hour earlier than planned. i liked that. when we got to miami and through customs, which was a pain in and of itself, i had to wait in another looooong line that caused me to miss my flight to atlanta. when i finally approached the american airlines counter, the guy told me that there wasn't another flight out of miami that night, and that there also weren't any hotels in the area that i could stay in. soo i took a charter bus from miami to ft. lauderdale (with a group of about 30 couples that looked older than my grandma who had just gotten back from a cruise) and then flew from ft. lauderdale to chicago. i stayed a lonely night in the holiday inn in chicago, and then caught the flight the next morning from chi town to kc. i'm finally hoooooooome!

now it's just doctors appointments and getting work lined up. i'm happy to be back in the states and back to real life. but i'd so much rather be where my babies are. where i feel good about what i'm doing every day. and where i'm a better person.

the best worst day of my life

this 24 hours is the hardest, i think. it started last night at our banquet. hearing all of my newest best friends speak about their experiences, growth, and feelings for the children we work with really melted my heart. i may or may not have been weeping like a child throughout most of it. i've learned so much from the girls i'm serving with. each of them has something incredible to offer and is unique and beautiful in their own right. they are my family.

i'm not good with goodbyes. i never really have been. and i know that. but i didn't think that saying goodbye to my babies and the workers at the orphanage would be this hard. i don't want to leave ecuador. i feel like i could do this for another 6 months and be completely content. this is my home now. these are my people. this is where i belong. i feel like everything i've done in my life up to this point has been insignificant and selfish. i like the way i feel when i'm with them. i like the way they love me. and the way they accept me. 

i'm trying to be happy. i'm trying to take with me everything i've learned, experienced, and felt. but it's really hard. my heart has never felt so broken. tonight we're going out to eat and then i'll say goodbye to everybody. ariel and i leave the house at 4:30 tomorrow morning. at least i'll have her. she knows how i feel and won't think i'm a freak if i break down in the miami airport.

here's to the best three months of my life. here's to my babies, my sisters, my ecuadorian friends. here's to changes. here's to the new me. let's go.

want the rundown?

our banquet is tomorrow night

i can't believe it

where did this three months go?

since you don't get to be there,

i'll share with you what i'm going to say

and the song we're going to sing

enjoy 

i lied, the videos not working

i'll try again later

Thinking about what to say tonight was surprisingly hard for me. I feel like times are rare that I don’t have the words to express what I’m thinking or feeling. But this is definitely one of those times. My heart is full, my emotions are mixed, and my mind is crowded with my jumbled thoughts. So what comes out will probably be a combination of raw feeling and an attempt at everything trapped inside my head.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the situations of the kids we work with every day. And what I’ve struggled with the most I think is why. Why them? Why do they get abandoned, and left without parents? How come I have an earthly family who loves and wants me, and they don’t? But then I was talking to Angela a few weeks ago, about when she bore her testimony in Sacrament meeting. And she said that though our babies don’t have earthly parents who are in their lives, they do have Heavenly parents who love them tremendously. And I’m grateful that I’ve been able to assist in showing them that they are truly loved. When I’m with them I can feel the love their Heavenly Father has for them. I can feel their innocence and their potential. They are precious spirits. And I’ve decided that Heavenly Father sent them to the orphanages because they are the strongest ones. They can survive without earthly parents and an earthly family. They are in the situations they are in for a purpose. And part of that purpose I think, is to teach me.

It sounds really cliché, but I am changed. I came to Ecuador thinking I was doing a great thing. I was going to improve my Spanish, complete my internship for my Psychology major, and spend 50 hours a week serving the little orphaned children of Quito. I think that part of me was going into this experience a little bit selfishly. But one Sunday at church I was reading Helaman 5 and part of verse 8 stuck out to me… “that ye may not do these things that ye may boast, but that ye may do these things to lay up for yourselves a treasure in Heaven, yea which is eternal, and which fadeth not away.” And now I think I’m leaving a better person; a different person. I now have 14 new sisters and some of the greatest friends I’ve had, another family, and a place I can call my home. I feel like I’ve done my best to teach these precious kids all I can. But I’m confident that they’ve taught me so much more.

I’ve learned that what I want most from life is to be a mom and to raise my children in a happy home. I've learned that God loves all of His children equally. And I’ve learned that when you lose yourself in service you find yourself. But the most important lesson I’ve learned from my time in Ecuador is to love unconditionally. The kids I have spent my last 12 weeks with are free of judgment, quick to love, and always happy. I want to be more like them.

As I think about it now, I’m kind of excited to go home. But I know that once I am home, I’ll miss Ecuador more than I enjoy being back in the States. I’ll miss my home. I’ll miss the atmosphere in the house. I’ll miss staying up way too late playing cards and watching movies, just to wake up way too early for shift the next morning. I’ll miss Betty’s mouthwatering meals and Angelita’s sweet smile. I’ll miss general meetings on Tuesday’s and dinner all together on Sunday’s. I’ll miss drives to and from shift with Pablo, even though I fear for my life every time I get in the van. I’ll miss telling taxi drivers that I live in the red house on the corner. I’ll miss all my babies. I’ll miss bathing and dressing them. I’ll miss doing their hair, brushing their teeth, and comforting them when they cry. I’ll miss morning walks, and pattycake on the patio. I’ll even miss wiping their noses, changing their diapers, and putting their socks and shoes on for the 99th time. I’ll miss the workers. I'll miss helping Sor Alba with her English homework and Patty trying to hook me up with her brother-in-law. I'll miss Favi making fun of my ugly shoes and Neomi telling me, "I want to see you naked chica de OSSO." I’ll even miss 13 hour night shifts and Sandra's obnoxious songs that I swear even the children hate. And I’ll miss all of you. But I think what I'll miss more than anything about life in Ecuador is the feeling I got, the strength of my testimony, and the little miracles I saw every day for three months as I served the Lord and his children. My heart will forever be with the children and people of Quito, Ecuador.

you'll be in my heart

so i was sitting in sala uno yesterday

and i was listening to one of our mix cd's

and all of a sudden,

this song came on

and for some reason,

it's making it easier for me to let go

goodbye teenagedom, hello adulthood

my day started off with breakfast in bed made by ariel, at about 8. i'm gonna be completely honest, i've never had such divine eggs and toast and a homemade orange juice smoothie thing. get in mah belly. then, i got ready for girls house with angela and tanner. since cassie left, the girls have really missed her. so angela brought them all pictures of her and let them decorate away. it was fantastic. look...

and then when i told them it was my last day they started making me bracelets and necklaces, and painted my nails. i really like them. like a lot. i told them to come home with me so we can visit cassie. they liked that.

i even got this little... creature, thing

i love my gh girls and im gonna miss them a ridiculous amount. however, i pinky promised my two favorites that i'd see them again. so mom, lets plan a trip to ecuador.

then we went to sl for our fiesta/picture day since three of us are leaving this week. we made birds and nests out of oreos and creem cheese, and marshmallows.

right after he asked me to be his girlfriend

(i said yes)

so that was my day of work. which was more like play. i'm not complaining. then we came home and i had popcorn for dinner. angela and emily and i practiced our song for the banquet. it's gonna be fantastic. and then i got surprised with some pazookie deliciousness. too bad i don't know how to spell that.

then we played the skittles game, angela washed my hair (i can't because of my hand), and i went to bed. i had the absolute best birthday. and i'm happy i got to spend it with my new family. only 5 more days of this :(

happy birthday eve to me

im gonna summarize for you the last 36 hours

here we go...

last night emily and i had night shift

one of our babies is getting adopted monday!

and last night her parents came to see her

it was the happiest thing i've ever seen

her mom was crying

and her dad was hugging her

it'll make saying goodbye to her easier

because i know she's going to a family that loves her

then, after the change it was raining

so we asked if we could go play in it

and favi and deicy told us we could play in it

soooo we did

and deicy took pictures of us

then in the morning when i went in to brush teeth,

my precious baby rosa said my name!

for the first time ever

it made me the happiest ever

on friday mornings,
since we have the day off,
we get picked up from night shift at 6:15
instead of 7
so we went down the stairs at 6:15 to wait for angel

while we waited,
one of the casa boys walter came and kissed us
on the cheek
also willy, who works in the kitchen,
and who is extremely good looking,
said hi
also william, the gate boy came and talked to us
and shook our hands, twice

it was 6:52 and no angel
so we decided to catch a taxi
which took like 10 minutes
basically we got home at 7:25
when we were leaving for papallacta at 7:30
so that was neat

howeeeeverrrrrr, when we finally did get there
omg, so beautiful
i'm going there for my honeymoon

so we're having a blast loving life
and then this happened...

WARNING: if you're not a fan of blood, scroll quickly

you see, i'm really clumsy
and i tripped and fell over barbed wire
i cut up my hand,
sprained my wrist,
gashed both of my knees
and have cuts from the barbed wire on my arm
its fantastic

i don't think i've ever cried so much in my life
luckily there was a doctor guy
and he took care of me,
told me my wrist wasn't broken,
and cleaned out all of my cuts

he wanted to give me a shot for the pain
but since i have tiny veins in my arms
he wanted to give it to me in my butt
i was wearing my swimsuit,
and not about to strip in some strange office
so i just took 800mg ibuprofen

caitlin is an angel and held my (left) hand the whole time
she even offered to buy me a massage at the spa!
i couldn't get in the pools cause i was bleeding so much
but it was still beauuuuuutiful
we fell asleep in the van on the way home
and it was excellent

aw look at caitlin and tan man

we came home and i skyped weston
also i shared some chococake with maibe
it was kind of cute

then tanner needed a haircut so ang and i went with him
and he got the most unattractive haircut ever
i truly wish we had taken our camera
it was ridiculously entertaining

then, tanner bought us ice cream
mmmm coco bars

we watched some "what happens in vegas"
and everybody went to bed
except tanner and angela
because they know much i love my birthday
and wanted to stay up with me til midnight

i had the best birthday eve
and here comes the best birthday ever