a hairy situation

i haven't had bangs like this since i was about 4. but somehow, they mysteriously found their way back to my forehead

i've already decided i hope they're grown out by the time i leave for spain because they're too much work. but i'll let them stay for summer.

don't hold it against me

it's all i can think about. going home. it's not going to be like the other times. it's going to be different, i just know it. i'm eager to spend my last few months as a non-missionary with my family. i'm excited to eat good food. and by "good food" i mean anything other than granola bars, txrh rolls (which i'll probably still eat), and the occasional delicacy, more commonly referred to as mac-n-cheese. i'm anxious to work on me. to work on becoming the best version of myself. the version ready and worthy to serve the lord for 18 months. i'm excited to be healthy and happy. because i firmly believe before you can help other people, you must first help yourself.

i was here

give it up for my girl beyonce

was i the only one who got goosebumps and teary-eyed watching that? i'd like to think i've done something to make my mark on this world. i want to know that i changed somebody's life for the better. that all this time i've spent here being me hasn't been a waste. i'd like to think i've been good for something more. i want to leave this world a better place. i want to leave knowing i've done my best, and hopefully made somebody else's day a little brighter along the way.

hey there december ;)

seriously though... december, already? december is snowflakes, christmas music, candles, chocolate dipped pretzels, hot cocoa, finals, christmas in vegas, and secret santa at texas roadhouse. bring it.


current guilty pleasure: justin bieber's christmas album
current color: black
(ugh blogger is being retarded and keeps putting in necessary spaces, forgive me)

current playlist: lots of gavin degraw and bruno mars

current read: my child development textbook

current drink: chocolate milk

current food: caesar salad, butterfingers

current favorite show: new girl

current wish list: new blue skinnies

current needs: someone to pay my rent... today

current triumphs: 3 pounds

current bane of my existence: school school school omg schoooooool

current celebrity crush: dermot mulroney

current indulgence: sleep, so much sleep

current blessing: kind strangers

current outfit: striped tank top and sweats

current excitement: brent is spending winter break with me in idaho

current mood: stressed, nervous, anxious

current link: i love aj... and eventually everyone else will too

tumblr thursday will most likely come later (that's for you chelsie and ashley), but right now i've got a hot date with some stats and spanish phonetics. ugh let's fast forward two weeks please.

just... happy

the last couple days have been such a manifestation to me that God lives, that He is aware of me, and that He loves me so, so much. i feel incredibly undeserving of all the blessings that ive been given and for all the love that ive felt recently. im working on being deserving and worthy of those blessings and that love. im getting my priorities straight and figuring out what matters most. im making changes that have been a long time coming. and im feeling more motivated and determined than ever. i can do this.

a witness at all times

in high school i was really good at having "missionary moments" and sharing my beliefs and values with just about anyone that asked, or who i felt would like to know. but for some reason (probably the fact that i go to a church school), these moments seem fewer and far between. sometimes i think i've maybe forgotten how to share my testimony, because i'm out of practice.

this past weekend, my friend came down to vegas with us. he happens to be an athiest. we don't ever talk about religion because it tends to be a source of contention and one of us ends up angry and hurt. however, on the drive back from vegas to salt lake, things seemed different. i'm not sure why, nor do i remember what we were talking about before this...but during a moment of silence i turned to him and asked, "soo, uh, what do you believe will happen to you when you die?" and it triggered a three hour conversation about the purpose of life, what happens to us when we die, eternal families, faith, prayer, and agency. not once did i feel like things were getting heated or argumentative. i loved it. juelaine jumped in when i needed help, we were quoting scripture and words of prophets that we didn't even know we knew, and the spirit was so strong. 

that conversation made me realize how truly grateful i am for the gospel of Jesus Christ. it made me realize how much a part of my life it is and it made me appreciate how blessed i am to know and believe the things i do. it's so cliche, but i would be so very lost without the gospel in my life. i honestly don't know where i'd be or what i'd be doing without the truth in my life. i now have a renewed desire to be better; to daily immerse myself in the scriptures, to fall on my knees in prayer, and to constantly be seeking for moments and opportunities to share what i know, whether through conversation, or simply by example.

i'm happy

the last three weeks have been full of; driving across the country, playing with best friends, meeting new people, random exciting dates, concerts, the beach, disneyland, long car rides, good food, good conversation, finally winning a game of pool, moving in to my new apartment, getting hardly any sleep, losing three pounds, hair cuts, shopping on the strip, cafe rio, ferris wheels and petting zoos, hot tubs, reunions with missionaries from my mission, sunrises, sunsets, and enjoying my last weekend before school starts.

it's been the epitome of perfection and i'm not ready for it to end. but i'm really excited about ending my 9 month hiatus from school. it's time to get back to the real world (unfortunately), and i'm ready for change. 

oh, and p.s. 

i got accepted to china!

i still feel like i need to pray about it and make sure it's gonna be the right thing for me to do this winter. but i'm excited nonetheless. four months from now i'll be in asia with chelsie teaching english to little chinese kids. i think that sounds pretty good to me. winter 2011 was spent in ecuador, winter 2012... hi china :)

look what i did today

normally my mom highlights my hair. out of a box. and she does a good job. maybe if she wasn't a lawyer she should be a hair stylist. orrrr not. she's a good lawyer. anyways. on july 5th it looked like this...

i was desperate for some highlights the other day and tried to do them myself. it's harder than it looks people! welllll i don't think i left them in long enough. so my hair was this lovely orange for my trip to california. my grandma told me she'd pay to get it fixed. so this morning at 9:30 i went in and asked carlie to give me a full set of highlights, and maybe a little trim. i walked out looking like this...

oops. the good news is my mom doesn't hate it.

a last day

so i'm sitting here, all cuddled up in blankets on brent's bed, realizing that this summer (and my life in kansas) is finally coming to an end. today is my last day of work, for the next month at least, and i'm kind of sad about it. i've really gotten into a routine and enjoyed the way things have been going for the last few weeks. as excited as i am about finally getting a break after a long 5 months of nothing but work, seeing my best friends and my grandma, and heading back to school, part of me isn't ready to leave.

i've always been one to welcome change and a new adventure, but sometimes the unfamiliarity of new experiences frightens me. and with this change is coming goodbyes. this week i have to (and have already had to) say goodbye to the people i've gone to church with for the last 5 years, the precious 7 yearolds i've taught this summer, the three great families i've babysat for and come to know and love, all of my kansas friends, and brent and his family. i hate goodbyes. hate hate hate hate them. 

however, i'm going to try to remember what i'm excited about. today is my last day with kate and sam. these two are not justin bieber fans. quite the opposite, actually. a couple times i've tried to sneak in a "that should be me" or "one less lonely girl" while we're driving in the car, and they proceed to cover their ears and yell at me to turn it off. so when i suggested we watch "never say never" together, they turned their noses up at that idea. but, it being my last day and all, they promised me we could watch it today! kate, out of the kindness of her heart. sam, with my promise to bring him cider doughnuts from the louisburg cider mill. but hooray! i have finally won. paige - 1. kate and sam - 0. hallelujah.

i'm also getting my car back today, thanks to steve at olathe toyota. i have antibiotics for my eye infection, so that's making me feel better. last night i did the paperwork to get my passport renewed. tomorrow, brent and i are meeting maggie (my pilates trainer) for lunch, going to pick chris up at the airport, and then spending the afternoon on the plaza with our friend sophie from high school. friday night is the royal's game and saturday morning at 6am we're heading west with jessie. this has been the most ridiculous week.

yes i'm sad about leaving. yes i'm nervous about what's going to happen to my relationships with some people. yes i feel like there might be one or two tears. but yes i can't wait for this next month. yes i'm thrilled to be reunited with my best friend after eight long months. yes i'm excited to stick my toes in the pacific ocean. and yes i'm eager to get back to school after taking a semester off. here's to change. and here's to summer 2011.

exboyfriends

i have four. one i still talk to (and i'm moving in with his parents in two weeks), one i haven't seen/heard from/thought about in a good two or three years, one is married with a baby, and one... i'm still working on getting over. 

e: im strugglin, i know you probably dont care, but i miss you. and i hope youre doing well.

me: tell me whats up

e: i tried to start talking to a girl. well, actually we were together technically. but i just got dumped over facebook. and to be honest… im not over you in the least bit

me: i’ve tried to move on too. but i can’t, because he’s no you

e: screw distance

me: i miss you. you were my best friend. and still sometimes i’ll get excited about something or have big news to share and you’re the first person i want to tell, but i feel like i can’t and i hate that.

e: there’s something that i’ve needed to tell you for awhile now, but i’m not telling you like this. and you already know what it is

me: i’ve wanted to tell you a hundred times

e: i know it’ll make things harder, but it needs to be said regardless.

i hate the thought of moving away and more than likely never seeing him again. but if there's one thing that i've learned, it's that life goes on. and sometimes that means moving on. i'm gonna work on that. but maybe it can wait...

i want to do things

every once in awhile i get in this really... productive, mood. i want to make things happen, i want to take on new things, get new hobbies, meet new people, and just, be better at living i guess. and right now, i'm in one of those moods. 

i want to do things

i want to paint. i want to volunteer again. i want to write in my journal every single day. i want to get better at the piano. i want to go to more concerts. i want to learn to sew. i want to cook. i want to run a half marathon. i want to get back into photography. i want to be in charge of something. i want to make plans, big plans. i want to decorate my new apartment. i want to play a game of assassin. i want to be good.

i'm perfectly capable of making all of these things happen. i'm also perfectly capable of making excuses so they don't. i choose the former. one at a time. here i goooooooo. wish me luck.

one day without shoes

"shoes are a status symbol in ethiopia.

children dream of having their first pair."

dr. larry thomas

it's just one day

and it's a great day

do it

ecuador is

an answer to my prayers. more and more every day i'm realizing that this is where i need to be right now. this is the best decision i've ever made for myself. ecuador is changing me. i'd like to think i'm becoming a better person. i'm learning things about my life and the people in it that i don't think i would've learned otherwise. i'm also learning that i can be happy on my own. i just love this place. i love what it does to me. it's perfect.

the end is near

i can't believe that the semester's almost over

but that's beside the point

(not really, but for now)

i got my hair highlighted this week

i feel like i look like my sister

ohhhhh wellllll

and frankly, i like my hair better dark

but it's harder to keep up with

and it's more expensive

and i currently have a sad amount of money to my name

but it'll do... for now

please excuse my retarded faces

and my phone's color is weird

but it's whatevs

also, i'm stressed to the max

and i probably need to get back to my homework

i just feel like you should know

that i took a 19 hour nap last night

i'll be in utah a week from now

i'll be in ecuador in 19 days

and this is my last weekend in rexburg forever

happy saturday

two truths and... well, a reminder

fact: i have never ever been a fan of halloween. even when i was younger i don't remember liking it that much. so this halloween i spent friday with two of my best friends eating red robin and watching jackass 3 and paranormal activity 2. then laaaaast night, we went to the haunted straw maze. im usually pretty good with scary things. i like scary movies. i like the haunted houses in kc (which are relatively top notch, ya know). basically i like being scared. however, in short, i lasted about 2 minutes in the haunted straw maze, was backed into a corner holding onto jenna where i was crying and shaking as a big scary man in a mask (who i later found out was only 16) held a chainsaw up to my face and told me to run. worst moment ever. so, with tears streaming down our faces, and shame thrust upon us, jenna and i exited the straw maze through the entrance where we were greeted by 8 and 9 yearolds (who made it out alive and unscathed) who mocked and ridiculed us. i doubt i will ever be going back to that awful place.

fact: i really like roadtrips. since ive been at school, my favorite roadtrip is to utah. and this weekend, i will be making the three and a half hour trek to salt lake city with betsy and juelaine and some unknown girl i have yet to meet to spend a glorious two and a half days in the beehive state. wanna know why? as previously discussed i am getting to see mae for the second time. it will be the end of life as i know it, considering this is their farewell tour. kinda upset about that. but, i am beyond excited. and i get to see my now married calaigh. so im thinking im pretty much really looking forward to this weekend. uh, can we please fastforward to friday at approximately 2pm?

remember: change is inevitable. it just...happens. i haven't really decided if i'm for or against change. i've always just accepted it and moved on. aaaaanyways, today brother young was released from his calling in the bishopric and it was the saddest thing. i was a pretty big fan of the guy. and we passed around cards during our 3rd hour to sign for him. and this quote was on one of them... "they may forget what you said. they may forget what you did. but they will never forget how you made them feel." just something to think about.

ch ch ch changes

wow, two in one week. im impressed with myself, as should you be.

im making lots of changes in my life right now. i want to be better. about everything. even though i have ZERO motivation for school right now (because come on, school in the summer? its just not okay) im gonna try supaaaa hard to get all A's this semester. i want my scholarship back.

i want to do more "good" things. sister connell was a big fan of "trade the good things for better things" and frankly, i need to start with good. i wrote in my journal last night. that was big for me. i used to be wayyy good about journal writing, but something happened and well, i suck at it now. it'd been like a month since i'd written anything. but im trying to be better. i read my scriptures for book of mormon, but honestly, that's probably only because i have to. im bad about scripture study on my own. which is why im happy im taking a religion class. at least im reading them at all, right? i love marking up my scriptures. when i turn to a page and see it full of color and writing it makes me so happy. my prayers have been better though. yay mee.

is it wrong that its 3:32 in the morning and i may or may not have been reading my best friends blog instead of doing homework? nahhh, probably not. i love amy. i dont think ive ever had so much in common with a friend before. except had, but thats inevitable. im just bummed we didnt start hanging out earlier, like last semester. but maybe thats good. i love our talks. i feel like i can tell her anything. and thats something i havent had for awhile. i trust her. and i like having people i can trust. we do the weirdest things together, but thats okay, because weird is good. and we enjoy it, so who cares?

im so ready for utah this weekend. as much as i love rexburg, im happy to be getting away. im bummed calaigh is gonna be with ster, but that just means i get extra time with amalia and ben and clarke and caroline and lizzy and alec and irene. i love family. i love my family. i love that me and my mom get along so much better when i'm at school. i'm finally realizing that she's right about more than i thought. my dad's a complete douchebag, but thats okay. because i have my mom. and tom. and thats all i really need.

here's tooooo: summer nights, roadtrips, juice, white cheddar cheezits, minus the bear, good morning texts, still loving exboyfriends, popsicles, manual cars, bke jeans, lunch dates, curly hair, flipflops, and everything in between.

i love my life, and the people in it. fjdklaf; i just do :)